Tsai's profileTo the LighthouseBlogLists Tools Help

Blog


    4/20/2008

    The "good enough mother" theory

    "The good enough mother is one who tolerates her infant's range as well as her own temporary hatred of her child;she is one who is not sucked into retaliating or abandoning ,and who can put aside her own self-protective response to devote herself adequetely to her child's needs."
     
      Since the relationship between a mother and her infant is initial and vital;and since a good enough mother can sometimes be angry,be depressed,be desparate.Maybe so could we.Maybe being not perfect is ok,maybe the most comfortable relationship is one in which weak or fragile or failure or being weird do not lead to shame or fear of losing it.
    5/21/2007

    Le temps qui reste

    Le temps qui reste
    It's time to leave
     
    向来不爱荷尔蒙气息太过浓重的男人.这并不代表我看见浓密茂盛的胸毛会无动于衷,只是任凭鼻血喷涌上天也只是欣赏,不是爱.
    爱的从来都是内向敏感安静害羞有点神经质的男人.(或者说,从娃娃抓起的男孩子到颇有沧桑感的老男人.)就比如香料共和国里整天把自己关在厨房里做菜的小男孩;就比如戏梦巴黎里那个闷不做声却可以由打火机想到宇宙之间和谐关系的有多汁嘴唇的男生;就比如科学睡眠里的Stefane,会偷偷帮喜欢的女人修好小马看见别人却说不出话;就比如爱在日出前里的Jesse,把女人骗上了摩天轮却怎么都开不了口要吻她.
      就比如弥留时光里的Romain.
     
      一个清晨起来会坐在床边目光迷离的男人绝对是孤独的男人.任凭他事业多么成功有多么心爱的爱人.他对着镜子说"我爱你们,可是我快死了".然后回到家里照例是恶毒地攻击家人;对爱人说不要总是好吃懒做依靠我,然后在分别前夜拍下他熟睡的样子.如果不想在最后的时间被人簇拥着怜悯着,就有权利选择沉默.毕竟,死是一件很私人的事情,每个人都有权利选择怎样死去.就像Romain的奶奶有权利选择怎样活着,即使要抛弃自己的儿子,也要活着,因为活着是自己的事.
      所以看见Romain一个人等待死亡.一个人上路一个人买东西.一个人回忆.晚上一个人哭.一个人用头撞墙,一个人喊.心情好的时候买了冰淇淋吃,才舔了几口却又忽然悲伤到无所适从.这样敏感的一个男人不是不想在最后的时间里被多爱一些的,只是淹没在补偿性里的关爱里不是他所想要的,况且人本来就是孤独的,活着的时候可以被无数人环绕,死的时候却注定要一个人走.我们同样看不见Romain拼命地完成自己的心愿.遗憾当然是有的,虽然这样说有些无为主义,但是遗憾注定是生命的一部分.只要在最后的时光里找寻到自己最本真的东西给自己一个答案,这也许就是Romain想要的.
      所以在最后一幕.Romain在海滩上坐下,找出潜水镜和泳裤,下海.在海里看了看以后上岸.找出烟抽.再突然想起来把相机拿出来拍了3张自己周围的景象.帮一个男孩捡了球还给他.然后躺下.
      然后,日落,人们纷纷离开,只剩Romain一个人躺着.
      然后最后,生命中的人总要纷纷离开,只有你一个人死去.
     
     
    3/28/2007

    人工智能课走神写的有点跑题的文章,不过话说形散神不散嘛...最近文章的名字越起越长...

    现代启示录说,待在船上,永远不要上岸.因为上了岸有老虎,因为上了岸库兹将军摒弃自己的优秀军人身份进入黑暗的热带雨林开始无度杀戮成为了独裁者.永远不要上岸,因为上了岸就会发现自己内心深处的黑暗.
     
      有一种观点说,人的理性是温室的花朵,一种无聊而脆弱的东西,与之相同的还有人类所谓的仁义道德,正义责任,善良人道.一切我们认为使我们区别于动物的东西都是不堪一击的,都是人类吃饱喝足衣食无忧之后的无聊的衍生物.如果把人类抛弃在原始社会环境中面对实际的生存威胁,所有的博爱精神个性强调都毋庸质疑会消失殆尽.人类将会自然地回归原始开始重新学会野蛮拼杀不择手段地争夺食物和交配对象.因此有人认为,人类现在建设拥有的人类文明和人类社会其实是人类的异化,而人类的真正本质是应该像野兽一样在原始社会中为吃喝拉撒而战争的.
      这么说也许有一些过激,毕竟人类是唯一成功"异化"的种群.然而拥有好奇心的我们不禁会想知道人类和动物的差异到底在哪里?而这种差异又是怎样造成的?
      当然大家都知道猿人使用火的故事,然而领导人类发展的却不单仅是几只猴子围着火堆欢快烤肉的兴奋劲头.大家都知道(或者说相信)人类是唯一拥有完整语言系统的生物.而人类是在有了语言之后开始学会的抽象记忆思维.由抽象思考人类学会了舍弃次要因素而对主要因素进行分析和归纳,而这也是人类发展至今的重要原因.然而如此却舍弃了其余饿环境声音图象和情感.不记得是哪个聪明的人从中国旅游回国之后拒绝对中国的见闻发表评论.他坚持认为中国的一切都是那么美好,而当用语言文字表述出来之后它们都会变得"干瘪而毫无生气".这就是因为语言减少了思维的维度.当一个苹果被在纸上表述出来时,所有的颜色,光泽,质感,味道以及有关的回忆都将不复存在,有的只是:苹果.当然,如此单纯地减少单位的信息量大小有助于人类处理更多单位的信息,而这样也会使之遗漏了很多旁的线索,而这些被遗漏的有可能是很重要的线索:谁能想象一个充满平面和立体图象而不仅仅用声波交流的社会?
      如果我们回顾一生,大概会发现唯一没有抽象思维的时期是在童年.而这段时期大概是最接近动物的.由于没有掌握语言,我们只会记忆具象的东西和我们所感到的情感.由此弗洛伊德的理论得以有理由解释:当人在童年时感受到的情感是最特殊的.因为它们无法描述甚至无法回忆,因而也给我们造成了不可磨灭的终身的影响.我们一生都无法逃脱童年的影响,因为我们不知道它们给了我们什么样的影响.没有什么问题是不可解决的,但前提条件是它们能被摆到桌面上认真对待.因为我们找不到不可回忆的问题,我们对他们束手无策,只能终其一生被影响.被宠溺,被折磨,变得没有安全感,变得充满攻击性...短暂的童年如此严重地影响着我们,而终其一生都没有完整语言系统的动物呢?是不是他们最接近我们深不可测的黑暗的潜意识?是不是我们也注定深埋了大量的无知愚昧暴力杀戮嫉妒虚荣,而这些埋得如此之深以至于它们会被认为已经被教育到能够被克服但实际却是无法抹去的?
      问题就在于,我们究竟是幸运地进化出抽象思维从而得以建造文明的物种,还是只是异化出来的忽略大部分信息量而选取少量信息量并加以畸形利用却仍不能回避潜在动物本性的拥有成年身体童年心智和由社会性衍生出的所谓的理性成熟的物种呢?
     
    永远不要上岸,然而不上岸就可以回避问题吗?谁说不上岸就是美好?
     
    3/9/2007

    臭屁放上来的论文

    本来是学校论文,结果老师开始给的是不及格因为不相信是我写的,虽然这是对工科生的不可原谅的鄙视,但是姐姐我心中还是小爽了一下的...于是很臭屁地放上来.哈哈         

     

     

     

     

              寂寞梦想改革者

                                                          ----------触摸商鞅

     

     

    国七雄中,秦国在政治、经济、文化各方面都比中原各诸侯国落后。试问当有兴邦野心的秦孝公上台后要想改变这种局势应该怎样做?大家大概都知道这时候最需要的就是破除成规旧俗的极有魄力的改革,而基于当时的局势之困难棘手规矩关系之多,恐怕找到一位能够贯彻这种改革的人难之又难。
      自古以来,以车裂为结局的商鞅变法都是争议颇大的事件。而综观大量历史文献可以发现大多数都是评论变法的成败原因,商鞅的性情却很少有人涉及。对商鞅的悲惨命运的原因追问,大众的观点无非是其改革方法过于霸道,招惹太多权贵。在人们眼中的商鞅,行事刻薄无情,“对手下之人,视之如鹰犬走卒,呼之驱之利用之还内心轻之贱之。”甚至那个逃跑时投奔旅店却被告知根据自己的法规需要出示身份证明的故事让人们想起“商鞅自食其果”时是如此的幸灾乐祸,以至于忘了商鞅的变法对历史车轮的推动作用。
      商鞅变法,商鞅对秦孝公说:一个国家要富强,必须注意农业,奖励将士;要打算把国家治好,必须有赏有罚。有赏有罚,朝廷有了威信,一切改革也就容易进行了。他废井田,开阡陌;迁都咸阳;建立县的组织,把市镇和乡村合并起来,组织成县,由国家派官吏直接管理而使的中央政权的权力更集中了。过了十年,秦国越来越富强,周天子打发使者送祭肉来给秦孝公,封他为方伯,中原的诸侯国也纷纷向秦国道贺。魏国不得不割让河西土地,把国都迁到大梁。有了这么一番扬眉吐气的振兴,无论有关商鞅英雄否奸雄否的争论如何,他在中国历史上的地位是不容质疑的。
      话剧《商鞅》就在这种争论中着力塑造了商鞅的个人形象,用53年的跨度展现出一个争议颇多的历史人物的一生。
      他弃姬娘成为魏相公叔痤的家臣,功成名就之后却没有替她赎身,是为不孝;魏相公叔痤临终之时举他不受用,在其死后弃魏投秦成为秦国商君,是为不忠;此外,他弃韩女,弃孟良辜,最后为天下人所弃,奉献出一个强盛的秦国却被秦国人处以车裂。这么看来也许人们又要再一次地把他当成是多行不义必自毙的时代奸雄。但是这一次让我们多一点耐心,慢慢去尝试走进他的内心。
    商鞅小时候就问天为什么人要有不平等,为什么人生来就有奴隶和官吏之分。姬娘告诉他自己并不是亲娘,告诉他应该尽力去争取自己的地位。姬娘说如果他当了官,就可以让奴隶不再生来就是奴隶,而这个,虽然当时年幼,商鞅却是牢牢记在了心里。在商鞅眼中,姬娘是一个抚育他长大的需要他去拯救的奴隶,在有了机会可以出人头地的时候他当然应该选择离开姬娘去打拼,才有可能做出成就去真正拯救姬娘和所有的奴隶。而在终于有了一番成就后姬娘找到他,透露出自己是亲母的时候为什么商鞅没有从此服侍姬娘甚至没有给姬娘赎身?其实原因他的弟子已经说得很清楚了,当时虽然是商鞅的政策扬眉吐气之时,但是他平日为人无情,改革力度又大,难免得罪很多权贵,树敌无数;如果在这个时候发现他为一个奴隶赎身甚至养在家中更甚至发现那个奴隶是为了他剜掉双眼的亲娘,势必会引起一场足以影响他的政治生涯的风波。而在那时如果他倒下,就再没有人为了奴隶说话,他之前所有作为也将前功尽弃。他怎么能做出来?那些评论家们又有几人能想象商鞅背身让姬娘走远时的内心煎熬?
    从小奴隶的身份就让商鞅恼怒,他不觉得人生来就当奴隶是正确的,因此他提倡有赏有罚,奴隶做出了功劳就可以赎身;而同时,奴隶的身份也让他自卑,穷尽一生,他都在努力摆脱这种身份。然而不论自己的地位如何高高在上,别人对自己是如何畏惧,悲哀的是穷其一生商鞅也不能摆脱这种自卑。心理学上,一个自卑的人的外在表现是很具有侵略性的,借此来掩饰自己的不安全感保护自己不受伤害。再看看商鞅执政时的铁血,需要多少的不安全感才会使他做出那么多证明自己能力的行为?
    对于天下,商鞅自有一套他自己的管理方法,而奴隶的身份妨碍他实现他的方法。因此,他弃姬娘,弃公叔痤,弃韩女,弃魏国而投奔秦国当了大臣,只是为了使他的方法不止于脑海纸面而推行之天下。而他的方法是如此不被权贵接纳以至于他要舌战群臣,南门立木甚至在太缚脸上刻字割鼻才能使人们开始相信他脑海中的设想。变法的时候想必是商鞅最快乐的时光,他看到了自己的想法成为现实,而且自己的设想是正确的,因为它使一个国家变得强盛了,虽然不是自己的国家。为了他的梦想他同意了孟良辜的舍身,不以为耻辱;而为了这个设想的实现,商鞅必须成为一个政客。但他生来不是一个政客,只是一个梦想家。他有梦想,却没有政客所必需的待人处事方法。他知道的只是铁腕,加铁腕。他不是不懂政治,他只是不愿处理政客必须要处理的事情,他把这些时间全部倾注在他的梦想上,这才使得秦国在短短十年时间内从落后到被欺负的小国成长到使周天子注目的强国。除此之外他还推行愚民政策,既然没有人理解他的思想,那还不如让大家都成为逆来顺受的羔羊吧,愚昧得不用也不懂得质问他的政策,和所有的其他政策。
    在自知大限不远,面对有知遇之恩的景公公时商鞅终于能把心中悲凉一吐为快。而我们也终于发现看似古怪张扬的他一直是知道自己在做些什么,也清楚自己会得到什么。他并不后悔。只是觉得可笑。在秦国他得到了想要的满足,他的改革得到了彻底的实施并且有了惊人的好结果,他使得秦国得以傲视众国成为雄霸一方的强国;而同样在秦国他被众臣诅咒,他造福的民众也因为他的愚民政策而最终在他被处车裂时成为兴奋的看客。为了他的设想他弃姬娘,弃公叔痤,弃韩女,弃魏国,而最后也是因为他的梦想,他被天下人所弃,成为天底下最有成就的改革者同时又是最孤独的人。
    话剧的想象也许并不是事实,但至少使得商鞅脱离了轻浮张扬刻薄无情的形象成为了我们可以触摸的有血有肉有梦想的寂寞孤独的不被世人理解的人。也许意识到了这些,人们会学着对商鞅理解一些,至少为了他无比灿烂的梦想--商鞅变法。

    12/2/2006

    Perfume,the story of love

                                               Perfume,the story of a murderer
     
      Jean Baptiste Grenouille is a murderer who kills virgins to make perfumes.
      That 's all.
     
     
     
    OK.I wanna discuss this in a different view as following.
     
      Jean is so nobody that he doesn't even have his own smell.There's a saying in German—ich kann Dich nicht riechen—I can't smell you, or I don't like smelling you, which means I don't like you.So is the case for Jean--he's never been smelt and never been loved,in a normal way.And yet,it is a story about love.
      So let's change the name to:
     
     
                                                           Perfume,the story of love
     
       Jean Baptiste Grenouille has the best nose on the planet,and he learned to characterize what he smells.What is good,what is bad,as what we're doing by our criterias.But meanwhile,Jean Baptiste Grenouille is probably the most lonly human being on the planet,no one's really talked with him,and no one ever knows what he likes what he wants,who he is.No one has ever loved him.And magically,no one managed to survive after his leaving. 
      Back to the movie,what is in the perfume?When he threw the handkerchief to the crowd what did they get?They felt love.A sense of PURE LOVE of human beings.Out of which,they tended to notice the beauty coming from people around them.They found love,and made love after realizing it.But while people found love through his perfume,Jean was left all alone.He suddenly missed the fruit girl,he might believed for one moment that they would have made it,but then he saw clearly her again flashing back--lying on the floor,dead,cold,smell gone.He made the mistake and was left here like this with nothing but endless regret.I bet Jean was almost in ecstasy when the poor father pointed his sword at him and said"you can't fool me",and he might be the only one who knew who he really was,without being fooled by the perfume.But as he approached,the perfume once again proved its power,then he said"forgive me,my son".Jean was back to hell.At last.
      At last Jean realized that he could be both angel and devil,but never a common person.The perfume could give him anything in the world make him anyone he could have thought but turn him into a person who could love and be loved as everyone else."So to the hell"he thought."The perfume,the world"
      And himself.
      So he went back to where he started and disappeared from the face of the earth--with the help of the perfume--in love.He died finally in love.And while the perfume was made from virgins,he died in PURE LOVE.
     
     
     
    11/24/2006

    有关桃花源

    看"暗恋桃花源"的时候,演员表演得很到位,我也笑得忒喜庆,直到神秘女子反复出现叫嚣着"刘子骥!刘子骥呢?"才幡然醒悟."南阳刘子骥,高尚士也;闻之,欣然规往.未果,寻病终".这个刘子骥,就是寻找桃花源的刘子骥.
     
     
    大致情节我就ctrl+v一下了.暗恋,桃花源是两个不同的话剧.暗恋是一双因战乱而失散的恋人在生命的最后时光终于见到面;桃花源则源于陶潜的<陶花源记>,老陶妻子花与袁私通,陶外出逮鱼,偶遇桃花源停留数日,最终还是想念妻子回来,谁知回来后发现另两人虽然过得艰辛却已有了家庭于是终于再次出走却再也没能回到桃花源.两部剧因为时间场地安排的错误使它们在同一片场进行试演,于是舞台上不时的出现两者之间夺片场的矛盾,演员布景的切换,情节的各为其主,到高潮部分时不可思议的融合,再到后面的殊途同归,惺惺相惜.
     
     
    表面上看这两部话剧一部是庸俗小资情调的怀旧戏,一部是民间曹台班子的闹剧,本身并不具有什么意义.然而仔细分析起来,之所以把它们放在一块甚至于到了后半部分两者的互动是有一定原因的.按照导演赖声川的说法,<桃花源>是补充说明<暗恋>的,即<桃花源>是<暗恋>的又一个结局,<桃花源>的最后袁老板和春花陷入无奈的生活中就是江滨柳和云之凡的又一结局.有人就此在这个层面上指出,<暗恋桃花源>讨论的是爱情和幸福的或然性和必然性,是有根据的.江滨柳之所以一直忘不了云之凡,很重要的原因就是她对于他可以说是不真实的.她在他年轻气盛环境尚安定的时候出现在他身边陪他度过一个夏天,之后再也没有出现过.对于一个在自己生命中最美好时光出现过而之后再未出现的的人,我想大多数人的感情都是崇拜和向往吧.如果他们真的没有因为动乱失散而在一块生活,谁又能保证他们的明天不会象袁老板和春花一样被贫困和尿布包裹得窒息?说到底,戏剧讨论的话题就是生活中是否有真正的爱情存在?爱情是否会受到环境的影响,甚至于走向截然相反的结局?即使是真正的爱情,是不是会象万物一样轮回最终有聚必有散?
     
    然而,只看到这个层面是不够的,我们还要挖掘得更深.在这里不研究专业剧本和舞台知识,只是就主题做一些探讨.
     
    桃花向来是一个美好的意象.在<桃花源>中便直接应用了这个意象,多次.天上飘洒的花瓣雨,甚至于布景上的一棵桃树都"逃"了出来.而桃花源则更是多次被引用.<暗恋>中云之凡的桃花源是她避难时无意闯进的村庄;江滨柳的桃花源就是云之凡;<桃花源>中袁老板和春花的桃花源就是他们共同生活;老陶则只想要和老婆春花在一起.
      桃花源是什么地方?"芳草鲜美,落英缤纷."然而所有的人都是无意中到达桃花源,出来后便再无法进入.此即为桃花源,通俗来说即为遗失的美好.
     
      初入桃花源大都能领略到它的美好,却不能体会太久.也许就是因为短暂,桃花源显得更美好.因为桃花源的美,失去后人们便忙着寻找.云之凡之后和全家到附近寻找却再也没找到;江滨柳写了无数的信去云之凡的老家询问,到了临终也不忘在报纸上登寻人启事.还有神秘女子的寻找刘子骥.直到她竭尽全力地奔来跑去我迟钝的大脑才开始意识到,这是一个有关寻找的故事.而她寻找的却是刘子骥,刘子骥寻桃花源未果.同样,故事中的人们也都没有找到他们的桃花源,甚至江滨柳再次见到的云之凡也早已不是记忆中的山茶花而变成了一个普通的老年大妈.而我才开始意识到,这是一个有关遗忘的故事.<暗恋>的演员不断地对导演说"忘了吧忘了吧",老陶说"忘了吧忘了吧什么什么春花,忘了吧忘了吧".他们说的原因是因为他们忘不了.而我才开始意识到这是一个有关遗失的故事.他们永远的失去了他们的桃花源.
     
     
    11/18/2006

    弗吉尼亚. 伍尔夫--到灯塔去

                                 弗吉尼亚. 伍尔夫

                                                                                                             ----到灯塔去

    /*这原是我的作业论文,自觉不能按照老师的要求写好便搁置一边,想起来的时候偶尔加加减减,竟终于凑成了一篇文章.本文删除了学术论文的基本介绍内容只是些私人感受,也就可想而知离一般的论文要求有多远,况且对于自己喜欢的作家本来就是怎样写都不满意的。但记得Space上开篇就曾经许诺过一定要写一篇有关Woolf的文章,再加上许诺自己日后必定要写更好的,于是就终于发了上来。*/

     

    <到灯塔去>,拉姆齐先生坐在那里凝望岛屿,也许在想:’我们死去,在孤独中死去.’或者在想:’我终于到达了.’”

     

     

    在开始写作她的第一篇意识流小说之前, 伍尔夫在<论现代小说>中有一段著名的文字:“作者似乎不是由于自己的意志,而是由某个强悍蛮横的暴君控制着,在他的奴役下提供着故事情节、喜剧、悲剧、爱的情趣以及一种可能性的氛围--给所有的一切都完美无缺地抹上一层防腐的香油……但随着时间的流逝,越来越经常发生的是,有时我们在这充斥着因循守旧的东西的书页面前,会产生一种片刻的怀疑,一种反抗的情绪:生活真的就是如此吗?小说就该这副模样吗?透过表象,生活似乎远非就是如此。不妨短暂地考察一下一个普通的心灵在一个平平常常的日子里的经历。心灵接受了无以计数的印象--琐碎的、奇异古怪的、转眼即忘的或是用锋锐的钢刀铭刻在心的。它们来自四面八方,宛如无数的原子在不停地淋洒着。在它们坠落时, 在它们形成了星期一或星期二的生活时,侧重点与昔日不同,重要的时刻也位于不同之处。所以,如果作家是个自由自在的人而不是个奴役,如果他能随心所欲地写作,而不是替人捉刀,如果他作品的基础是他自己的情感而不是习俗传统,那么,哪里还会有这种约定俗成的情节、喜剧、悲剧、爱情或灾难,或许也不会学庞德街的裁缝那样缝钮扣。生活不是一副副整齐匀称地排着的眼镜,生活是一片明亮的光晕,是从意识的萌生到终结一直包围着我们的一个半透明封套。把这种变化多端、闻所未闻,无从界定的精神世界--不管它会显得何等的反常与复杂--传达描述出来,并且尽可能避免搀入异己之物与外在杂质,难道这不是小说家的任务吗?

      这在当时甚至现在都是一种全新的小说写作概念。在这种概念中,小说人物并不是表面看起来的那样。在<到灯塔中>中拉姆齐夫人这样想:我们的影象,你们借以认识我们的东西,都是肤浅可笑的。在这些影象下面是一片黑暗,无边无际,深不可测;我们只不过偶尔浮到表面,你们就是依靠这个认识了我们。伍尔夫相信,每个人的内心都像一座大海中的冰山,而日常生活中表现出来的只不过是冰山露出海面的那一个角,只占了整个冰山的百分之一。而伍尔夫的野心就是把剩余的部分展示出来。在她的小说中,人们麻木、无知、功利、丑恶;但同时又天真、诚实、善良。所有的真实如我们的充满人性的人物互相伤害同时又互相深爱对方。正如伯.布莱克斯东在<弗吉尼亚·伍尔夫:一篇评论>中说:“阅读了<到灯塔去>之后再来阅读任何一本普通的小说,会使你觉得自己是离开了白天的光芒而投身到木偶和纸板做成的世界中去.”

     

     

    有些人会觉得与其他意识流作家相比,伍尔夫视野过于狭窄。这固然是一种观点,然而有一点要指出的是,也许是水瓶座的固执天性使然,这些人想看到的,伍尔夫完全不打算写。她所要表达的已经在她的书中完全表达出来了。

    "How do you add up everything little thing and come to the conclusion that it is like or dislike that you feel about someone?”

    “他悄悄地走过去,看见面前那个一次次使句号变得圆满、象征着某种结论的篱笆,看见他的妻子和孩子,并且又一次看见那些垂着红色天竺葵的石缸,它们每每点缀着他思想的历程,将它写在一片片叶子上,仿佛叶子就是张张纸片,由匆忙阅读的人在上面随手记下只言片语..”

    “立刻,拉姆齐夫人似乎又将自己合拢,花瓣一片叠一片地包起来,整个人似乎因筋疲力尽而坍倒,于是,她让自己完全陷在瘫软之中;她的力气仅够用手指在格林童话书页上移动;同时,她的体内搏动着创造成功的狂喜,如同一股泉水的节奏,刚才尽情地展开,现在慢慢停止涌动。”

    伍尔夫的写作理念是To show life as it is before it has been put into anything.去探索生活的原本面貌。在我喜爱的女作家中,Emily Brontē表现出了世上最强烈的爱情;Doris Lessing用最混乱的方法解决问题;而Virginia Woolf则是用最理性的方式追寻生活本质,她想到灯塔去。在伍尔夫的日志中她说To the lighthouseabout life,about death,about Mrs Ramsay.Mrs Ramsay有时会被生活压倒,有时会与生活议和,大部分时候她更会对生活挥舞利剑.

     

     

    “When you read a book,it becomes part of you”.同样,伍尔夫也成为我的一部分。虽然她说“人总是凭借一些零星事物某种声音,某个景象勉强把自己从孤独里解脱出来。”“...没有答案,只看到如果诚实地考察,生活提出一个又一个问题,它们只能留到故事结束,一遍遍地回响,无望地追问,这种感觉让我们感到一种深深的绝望,最终也还夹杂着一丝怨恨。” 虽然生活存在着一些永恒的问题,然而不管怎样,我们要向生活挥舞利剑.

     

     

    到灯塔去.

    4/5/2006

    Girl with a pearl earring

    Griet
      A girl from a poor family,whose father is a painter.Coz of which,she has a special sense about art.The moment she asked whether she should clean the window of the studio coz that would change the light,everyone knew it could not be simple.
      Yet she didn't realize it.She was curious about the painting,the lens,everything in the studio,however,she knew inside it was not where she belonged.
      "What is the color of the cloud?"
      "...White?..."
      "..."
      "No!It's not white...yellow...black...grey..."
       And then the painter smiled.
       Ever since she realized the world somehow was like how she felt,not just everyone said it should be ,her sense was aroused.
     
    Jan
      He is trapped,i would say.
      He is the master of the family.He likes painting,but no matter how much talent he has,he has to be supported by a rich and yet despicable duck.He is the bread winner of the family(in history he had eleven children!),he has the responsibility to carry on painting,painting those pictures of the grandees to please them in order to hold the whole big family.
      Duke became more and more difficult to please,wife did nothing but keep giving birth to more and more children and complaining,until one day he met Griet.The first and only one to be interested about the lens,the first and only one to realize the trapped woman in the picture and dare move the chair.
     
    Griet and Jan
      Many argue about the problem whether Jan loves Griet.The perforation on the left ear adding the blood and tears is commenly considered as unvirgin.But if so,why didn't he kiss her after the perforation when she turned to him with trembling lips
      For Griet,Jan is not just a man.He is more as her master.He is married,with a tough wife and countless children.In a word,he is like a God,holy and unreachable.She is willing to be Cinderella if she can,but also pleased to be a maid.Jan is totally different from the butcher's son,who is concrete not abstract,who can be her boyfriend and finally marry her.Jan is just the one that is intriguing and intriges,the one that makes her a woman.
      For Jan,Griet is the one who knows the color of the cloud,the only one in his house.The only one he would not be angry with for destroying his composition of a picture.Griet is his Muse,but he can't go any further.He's got a large family to feed.He's supposed to paint to earn bread,not for fun.To please grandees not himself.He's unable to love what he loves,coz he's already got someone to be responsible for.
      In fact,the two are too different.Remember the scene when they both make palette.Griet is the kind of the people who is more actual than airy;while Jan is the kind who can hardly do anything well but painting.In some way,i would like to compare Griet to a wild-growing sunflower,while Jan is like a green-housed rose.
      Griet does not tell butcher's son her hair color but concent to take off her capouch to Jan,she even perforated her ear for him.but everytime she feels,she turns to the butch's son;meanwhile,Jan only let Griet in his studio.let Griet put on his wife's pearl earring,but can't go out to call her back.
      They're in different worlds,they're impossible.
      All and only they have and can have is the pearl earrings.
     
     
    3/14/2006

    Dimensionality

    About dimensionality,i don't have much to say coz i'm in fact not good at this...
      What i wanna say is there is a hypotheses that thinks the reason why we see things in the (n)th dimensionality the way they are is because of the (n+1)th dimensionality.
      Now we turn to examples:
     
      1 to 2
      A snake with stripes on its body.Draw a line across its body and now watch the line.You can see some section one color and some section another color.Without knowing the line a part of the snake,no one could hardly explain why the colors differ.
     
      2 to 3
      Watch the ground.If you don't know anything about height you must be confused with the footprints on it,you can't imagin there exist something like human beings coz you are only keen with the plane.
     
      3 to 4
      People say everything happens for a reason,here,we can explain it as the result of the 4th dimensionality--time.
     
      4 to more
      ...This is to imagin...
      I only say
      Everything happens for a reason,maybe what we are experiencing are just the result of the 5th dimensionality?
    2/4/2006

    In The Cut

    Frannie
      She is a university literature teacher,all day long doing with strange slangs and "to the lighthouse",single,dissocial.Everyday she goes to work and goes home,only has one friend that is her half-sister.She wears weird hair style and old fashioned clothes,seldom has attraction to male.But she is not nasty at all.She is brave,she doesn't care about what others think about her for just one second.
      When she met Malloy though,things began to change.The first impression Malloy left to her was his tattoo,which she had found in the man she saw being given blowjob.In my opinion,Malloy at that time is in fact the symbol of sex.
      People say"make love",does it mean that love can be made?Anyway,in my point Frannie was first intrigued physically by Malloy and then psychologically.
      After their first having sex,Frannie had been weeping.As i've said before,her body is satisfied,but her soul wants more.Her feeling of loneliness aggrandized at her sister's death.She is tired of being strong all her life,she now wanted something or someone to lean on.In fact we can see this when she asked her student to carry her bag,at which time the male student just let her carry two big bags while he's carrying none,he declared that "since she's just like a warrior,carrying her bag for her would be like an insult".At that time,Frannie just threw one bag for him to pick up and walked away.She can be strong,but still wants to be taken care of when she's tired.She thought Malloy was the one,or i'd rather say,she wished he was the one.She nearly believed it untill she found the accounterment from the wristlace.She wanted to believe him,and her heart wanted too,however,her mind told her "NO".Not every girl has a spiderman admirer,so we MUST learn to save ourselves.Her instinct to protect herself told her to run away from this man,and she did so.
     
    Malloy
      He used to say to Frannie:"You can ask me to fuck you,or kiss your pussy,i'll do that,i can do everything you ask me to."What he meant by"everything"was "anything but love you".As a charmfull man,though,he doesn't really like women.Maybe it's because of his failed marriage,he takes women as "easy come and easy go".He can play well with any woman,however,the last thing he would do is to love one.
      The first time he met Frannie,he was refused to enter her house coz he couldn't proof he was a cop,so he just sat outside the chained door waiting for her to make phone calls to check.The reason why he wanted to date Frannie was,"i don't get you",as himself said.Towards her,he acted as usual perfectly:sex,but no staying afterward;relationship,but nothing about his privacy.
      However,spending time to study this woman turned out to be not so right,coz he slowly found himself more and moe interested in her.She's more than just a woman"to fuck",but someone kind of special for him.He even got concerned about her being attacked and tried to teach her to use guns,though he behaved kind of strictly at that scene.He remembered Frannie's lost shoe,and took it back for her from the jumbled murder scene,more over,he put it on for her in his office.And yet,he began to enjoy the consequence of his previous doings:Frannie refused to trust him.
      Maybe this is where modern men's antinomy lies?Being afraid of the responsibility so dare not say those three little words?But what if you meet someone you really like?How do you convince her and even yourself that you're willing to spend the rest of your life to be with her?I don't have a 30 something old male friend to ask:"What's your relationship with women?"so this is only my point of view.
     
    Others
      How long should it take for a woman to marry a man since they get to know each other?
      As the words in the subway,we are all lost in a dark path,but where is the lighthouse?
      ...
      I never take this film as a serious thriller,and i believe that is not what Campion wants.She is exploring something.Something in the relationships between people nowadays,their self-awareness,their hard shells for protection,their innermost desires,their lost and found,loves and fears in this big big world.
    1/21/2006

    A Part Of Jane Campion's Films

      In none of her movies does Campion provide concessions to contemporary Western images of feminine style and beauty.She is uncompromising in her depiction of women as they might have appeared in their time and place.About this,we can see Holly Hunter presented with realism as Ada in The Piano.Her hair is oiled and conditioned into a high modern gloss,and her costume austere.Similarilly,Meg Ryan,the American sweetheart,is like an old maid:strange hairstyle and old-fashioned dressing.

      Apart from this,Campion also would like to present to her audience incredible truth.In her films,women are shown nose dribbles when crying,pissing,farting,not to say naked.Even in An Angel At My Table,Janet tentatively sniffs the blood of her first menstrual period and thereafter stuffs the used 'rags' behind the headstones in the cemetery.

      Typing this,i'm not to show Campion's strange aesthetic faculties,but,to look really closely and find out what she's really trying to say.

       Here,i would only talk about two of Campion's films:The Piano and In The Cut.

     

    The Piano

      A pure feminine film.Landed at the beach with her daughter and her piano,Ada meant to be a good wife.Which,however,was quickly shattered by the husband himself,coz he refused to take the piano along with its owner for the bad weather.Although Mr Baines knows little words,he is the one who takes the piano back and returns it to Ada.I can't deny that there exsists some erotic portion in Ada's love for Mr Baines,but neither can i disagree it is he that let Ada have her piano back again.And for her husband,she paid her finger.

      The piano,can't be abandoned.

     

    In The Cut

      As for detective Malloy,he is just so straightforward about his desire and so confident.He's a manly masculine part,and very charming.Even i have to admit his passion when he first made love with Frannie.Notwithstanding,Frannie is the kind of person who is very unlikely to risk her heart for a guy.No wonder Malloy thinks that if it's not sex she won't be with him.

      It is not true.

      The second day after their first having sex,Frannie has been crying all the time.Sex has satisfied her body,but her soul wants more.She is brave,and might be considered as a warrior.But she also needs a harbor,not just a man from whom she can only get physiological satisfaction.Whereas,when she found the little accounterment in Malloy's pocket,between her mother's tale and her nightmare,she chose the latter one to believe,which,i believe,most nowadays female will do only to protect themselves.

     

    Women today are dealing with both their independence and also the fact that their lives are built around finding and satisfying the romantic models we grew up with.

      Women often postpone their lives, thinking that if they're not with a partner then it doesn't really count. They're still searching for their prince, in a way. And as much as we don't discuss that, because it's too embarrassing and too sad, I think it really does exist. ---Jane Campion

     

      This really can't be taken as serious analyse,maybe i'll write better in the future when i've got mood and time.

    12/3/2005

    Some Scientific Point of view

       The Parallel Universes(Refering to countless worlds)
    Everyone knows about the butterfly effect,but have you ever give a deep thought about this?
    A tiny thing cause huge changes,like a butterfly can cause a hurricane.Maybe considering this,the movie"the butterfly effect"was shot.In the movie,though the boy tried his best to change the past to make everybody satisfied,he at last had to kill himself before he was born.Though i love this movie,i don't wanna discuss it this time.
      This time,i say lots of people consider going back as a way to change the present,but is this really a way?I belive there's no need for me to explian the "killing grandpa"story,There're almost as many supporters as the ones who don't think this will work.They quarrelled for many years but don't show any result.Then another theory came out and settled this problem perfectly.
      In this theory it says,you can of course go back to the past(if you can do this)and kill your grandpa( if you can kill him).But don't laugh,when you come back ,you are gonna face a world with no change at all except that you've made a time travel.The point is,the moment you killed your grandpa,you create a parallel universe.In that universe your grandpa is killed and you don't exsit,but the one that you go back will be the universe that you exsit,which is the one that your grandpa is not killed.In another word,you'll never be able to go back to a universe where you're not supposed to be alive.
     
     
     
         The Quantum Theory
    Once there's a point of view that says everything can be predicted.We all know that if we have the original bulk and some nessesary parameters we can count out any state.So when the theory came out it seems quite right.
      However,although many people would like to see through some crystal balls to foretell their fate,they don't find it a good news,which can be easily understood,coz no one wants to live in a already knows world,in which life will be not so intersting. 
      Then the quantum theory came out.The  main idea of the theory is like:yes,you can count out any state once you've got the original bulk and the nessesary parameters,but the problem is ,you can't.We know that if we want the original bulk ,we should know the position and the velocity of the thing.To know its position,we need light to see it clear,and the shorter the light's wavelengh is,the more accurancy we have about its position;however,on the other hand,the shorter the wavelengh is,the more energy it has,so the more effect it will do to the thing we're measuring,which means the less accurant we'll have the velocity.In another word,the more accurant we have the position,the less accurant we have the volecity.Which means,we can never have the exact position and the velocity at the same time.Which,also beat the predicting saying,and reliefed the nervous people.
    8/25/2005

    Novels "Stream-of-consciousness & Tranditional"

    Although there are many really good masterpieces in tranditional novels...
      Take <Pride and Prejudice>for example,we know that Mr Darcy is a good guy coz Jane wrote so in the book,and coz he helped Elizanbeth about the Lydia thing,but all we know is just like this.We think Mr Darcy is a certain kind of person coz he did somehting,we judge him by his deeds.
      The point is,whether this is right?
      Scientists say that subconsciousness take up the most space in human's mind,what we show out is just a tiny corner of a huge iceberg,the real big one still hides under the sea.
      Imagin,what if you killed yourself now?What do you think people will comment about you?They might say:"He's a good guy,but somehow,he killed himself,what a pity!But i don't see anything to make him this sad!"Usually they don't get the point.Few people will really understand you ,why you like this why you do that,they might give you really good presents but might never realize the chains you carry.
      What if you're a person who have done nothing in your life though you have lots of dreams?People think you're useless,think you're commen enough to forget;only some people who really know you(maybe nobody)know that you used to dream of doing something big,used to dream of being special,used to dream of being so great that no one could forget you.When you did die without doing something,part of you die with part of your dreams;when everyone that knows you die,all of you die with all of your dreams.Never to come back.You stay as a most commen person in others memories,never to change.
      But what if we don't judge someone by what he's done?We gotta know what they see what they hear what they know what they feel,and maybe what they want to do.We'll know better about a gangster if we know he braked the car to avoid killing a kid,not just he died in a car accident,won't we?
    8/6/2005

    Countless worlds...

    Most perple seems to have come to the same conclusion at one thing, which is,there is only one world in the university.Well,since no one can proof it,there is the possibility that it might not be the truth.

    I’m not going to say something about the ET,i’m just trying to discuss something which come from my inspiration after all my science fiction stories.And that is,there is so many worlds ,in the same time,they exist,only coz each world make different choices.Look,there are so many books in the world,I guess there is only one comparability,which is,the characters in those books only can make one choice when they face choices. For a smallest instance,they have to choose the clothes they wear.No one can make more than one choice at one time coz they can’t turn back the time.Which means,different choices must happen in the same time,which means,there might exist countless worlds,only coz the characters make different choices.

     

    Trillions of worlds exist, they sometimes tarallel sometimes go across others,they all came from the same place,which is the beginning of the time.And then,when they face choices,they go their own ways,some make different choices,they separate from others,some make the same choice,and they go the same way for a time until they face another choice and make different ones.For example,a person is going to kill John,he might be killed by the person,he might kill the person,they might both be killed,they might both survive.In some worlds,John is killed,in some ,he killed the person,in some,they are both killed,in the rest ,they both survive.However,those world which have been separated before can sometimes intersect .In some worlds,you read this article,and you are a rich man with a happy family,in some worlds,you read this article,and you are a wanderer.

     

    It’s just a kind of surmise,in some worlds,you believe it,in some worlds,you don’t,in some worlds,I don’t write this article,in some ,you don’t exist.

     

    7/18/2005

    About History

    Although i've never got good marks in history,i still think i have the right to say something about that.
      When we open a history book,we will usually find something like this:Some rocket was lauched on XXX(time),which was a great moment for human beings to discover the space;or, some wise decision of some president contributed a lot to human peace;but never like:John Smith woke up in the morning and made himself breakfast,then he went for work,and after that ,he went to the movies with his girlfriend and went back to bed when he came back...Apparently,history books only record big events,which are considered most important by historians.No doubt,most people think that history is in fact made up by some big things and they were usually joint by daily things,they think history is actually made by some heros,common people like us are just negligible ones living only for survival.We are eating and sleeping and arguing with our boss to get higher pay when they are fighting for a country's freedom.Therefore,we are not recorded.And that's why many people feel sad for themselves coz however hard they try in their lives,they are just nobody,and will soon be forgotten by later generations.American dreams are funny,coz they only work for those who are already famous or those who are and will still be nobodies.
      However,there are some people who hold the completely oppsite opinion.Virginia Woolf who is one of my favourite writers,whose idea is very stream-of-consciousness,just like her novels.She believes that history is actually made up of daily life of commen people ,those so call heros and big events are just "accidents",which should find their place on the edge of history.History,in her opinion ,should be like:Mrs Dalloway will hold a party this afternoon so she went out to buy some flowers,she compares her husband with her first lover on the way to the flower shop ,and meets her first lover later .Meanwhile ,a retired soldier who has mental illness is sitting on the chair of a park,and his wife is desparate and frightend coz her husband keeps talking to himself.And on the afternoon,while Mrs Dalloway is on her party,the soldier killed himself.Well ,don't laugh,this is the whole story of Woolf's a hundre-paged novles,she only added some mental description.This,she thinks ,is how history should be.Go away those heros and big events,the way most people live their lives should be the right history.
      And, there are other people ,most scientists,consider the historical thing differently... a more pessimistic standpoint is that the world was set a long time ago.According to the quantum theory,once some parameters are set ,the final result will be known.Therefore,they believe everything is predictable,coz everything is meant to be like that.The only reason we still don't know the future is that we are not enough scientific-developped.In their viewpoint about history,nothing was accident,coz they were all decided by some parameter;the same,human beings don't have any power of ourselves,believe this theory?It was set;don't believe it?It was set;don't care about the theory and just let it be?It was also set!See,your behaviour was set at the beginning,all through your life,you 're just leading a set life,while you think you're living like yourself,it was set.Doubt it and stop going to work one day?Well babe,it was set...
      Similar to the former one,another point of view is like this:the world is set,but only on the whole;by and large,the world goes towards an appointed direction,but for the individual ones,it is not always the same coz accidents happen all the time.This point of view can be explained by a science fiction story:A big boy(let's call him jack)who came from the future went back to a time 50 years ahead of his for a killing mission.He meant to killed a scientist so that his invention would never come out to do harm to the world.Unfortunately,he went a little too early coz the scientist's mother is unmarried.And more unfortunate,he fell in love with the mother(let's call her jane).Jack decided to stay and married jane,but to complete his mission,he and jane came to an agreement that their baby boy(let's call him rick)will never be a scientist.As rick grew up,parents found that he was smart enough to be an excellent scientist,and he did take great interest in science.Finally,when rick told his parents he wanted to take science,he amazedly found himself refused.However,he understandingly gave up this though when they told him the reason.Things seemed to move smoothly after that,till the next year another scientise annouced that he's made a splendid invention,which was the same that urged jack to come back...The same thing happened,only not on the same person,so don't even think about changing the future,the world itself will find its way back to the right course.
      What 's my point?What's your point?
      ......